Left Holding Only Questions
by icanbeperfectforyou
Summary: "Peter had never really thought about boys being beautiful before, but this was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen." Bare at Hogwarts AU. Multi-chap.
1. A Million Miles From Heaven

Peter anxiously clung to his mother as he tried not to get lost in the noisy crowd of people and animals. Honestly, his mother knew even less about this than he did, but having her there was comforting. His little sister held tight to his hand, no doubt just as nervous in the crowd as he was.

It felt like only a few days ago that Peter found out he was a wizard. He could hardly believe that magic existed, much less that _he _was magic. And yet, here he was, standing on Platform and 3/4 (which sounded ridiculous to him), holding a suitcase, his wand safely in his pocket.

"Do you know what you're doing?" Peter's mom asked. Peter shook his head, and his mom sighed. "Great."

Just then, a boy crashed into Peter, knocking him over. "Oh! I'm sorry!" the boy, holding out a hand to help Peter up and picking up his suitcase with the other.

"It's fine," Peter mumbled, brushing off his clothes. The less people noticed him, the better.

"I'm Lucas! Is this your first year too?" The boy grinned and shook Peter's hand.

"Um, yeah," Peter said. Was he that obvious?

"Cool!" Lucas jumped up and down excitedly. "We can sit together on the train! What house do you want to be sorted in? I hope I get Gryffindor! Harry Potter himself was one, you know," he said seriously, nodding his head.

"Uh..." Peter said awkwardly. Houses? Harry Potter?

"Oh! You're a muggleborn!" Peter must have looked confused, because Lucas quickly added "Non-magic people. Ok, Harry Potter is like the coolest person ever. He defeated You-Know-Who when he was just a baby, and then when he got older he defeated him for real! Like, he killed him! I'll explain who You-Know-Who is later. You know, Harry Potter's son is in our year. How cool is that?" Peter didn't understand any of it, but by the way Lucas was talking he assumed it was a really cool thing.

The train horn sounded, and Lucas jumped. "That's our cue! Time to get on the train."

Peter turned to his mom and sister. "Bye, guys," he said, trying not to cry. He'd never really been away from his mother before. She leaned down to kiss him on the forehead.

"Have a great year. And don't forget to write home!" She smiled sadly, while his little sister hopped up and down, waving.

"Come on!" Lucas grabbed Peter's hand and they ran for the train. They made it on in time, but the compartments all seemed to be filled. Lucas pulled him into one and they sat down. "Hi! I'm Lucas Carter," he said to the two other people sitting there.

"Peter Simmonds," Peter mumbled, looking down. He was getting more nervous with all these new people around.

"Jason McConnell," the boy said. Peter looked up at him. Peter had never really thought about boys being beautiful before, but this was the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. He stared at him, and Jason stared right back.

"Nadia," the girl with dark hair spoke up. "We're twins. But I'm older and better," she snorted.

"Older by like eight minutes," Jason said, taking his gaze off of Peter.

"Eight and a half," Nadia corrected.

"So! What houses are you guys hoping to be sorted into? I hope I get Gryffindor!" Lucas grinned. Peter shifted awkwardly. Gryffindor sounded nice, but it was the only house he knew.

"I think my dad will kill me if I don't get into Slytherin," Jason said. Lucas' grin faded. "It goes back generations. You know, gotta keep the McConnell line running," he sounded like he was joking to try to cover it up. Peter didn't understand.

"What's wrong with Slytherin?" Peter turned to Lucas and asked.

Lucas made a face. "We should leave. Purebloods like them don't like to consort with muggleborns like you."

Peter's eyes widened. "Being muggleborn is bad? What are you?"

"Half-blood," Lucas explained. "My mom is magic, but my dad isn't. Purebloods-especially Slytherins-look down on people who aren't pureblood."

"Uh, hey, still here," Jason spoke up. "And not all of us are like that, but thanks for stereotyping."

"Yeah, Jason seems nice," Peter said, blushing.

Jason smiled at him. "Thanks," they looked at each other and made eye contact, then quickly looked away.

The door to the compartment opened. A pretty girl with long hair was standing there. "Have you seen a Matt Lloyd? Short, with brown hair? He said he was getting me some candy a while back and I haven't seen him."

"Probably back where you left the rest of your outfit," Nadia sarcastically. Granted, the girl _was _wearing a short skirt, but Peter thought the comment was unneccesary. Maybe this was part of the wizarding world.

"You're so funny, Nadia," the pretty girl said, but she wasn't laughing. She flashed a winning smile at Jason and waved. "Hi, Jason."

Alright, so they knew each other. Jason awkwardly smiled back. "Hey, Ivy."

"I sure hope we get sorted into Slytherin together," she said, when a short boy walked behind her. This was most likely Matt Lloyd.

"Ivy! I didn't know what kind of candy you liked, so I just got a lot," he held his arms out, full of different types of strange-looking candy.

"You're so sweet, Matt!" Ivy smiled, and turned to wave. "See you later, Jason!" Then they walked away.

"God, I just love seeing her. What a perfect ray of sunshine," Nadia said sarcastically.

"You must be really confused," Lucas turned to Peter. He nodded.

"So there's four houses. Gryffindor, for the brave! Harry Potter was a Gryffindor. And there's Slytherin, where all the dark, evil wizards are from-" Jason interjected with a mild "_hey_" "-Ravenclaw, for really smart people, and Hufflepuff, which is just for people who aren't particularly good at anything." Knowing his luck, Peter would get sorted in Hufflepuff.

"We're almost at Hogwarts, better get your robes on," an older student opened the door to say.

Peter gulped. Now he was really terrified.


	2. Epiphany

Clutching his suitcase, Peter stepped out of the train. What he saw nearly took his breath away. Across a lake was a huge castle, glowing with lights. "That's Hogwarts," Lucas said, coming up behind him. Peter could only nod in response.

"Firs' years over here!" A gruff voice called out. A very large man was standing by a bunch of boats.

"That's Hagrid, the Care of Magical Creatures teacher," Lucas informed him. "He taught Harry Potter; isn't that just so cool?"

Peter nodded again as he walked over to the boats and sat down in one. Lucas sat down next to him, and so did Jason and Nadia from the train. Lucas was practically shaking. "We're going to Hogwarts, like, _Hogwarts_!"

"Dude, you're going to tip the boat," Jason said.

The boats started moving by themselves, like magic. Peter internally rolled his eyes at himself. It wasn't _like _magic, it _was _magic. He wondered if he would learn to do this.

Before he knew, they were all standing inside Hogwarts. The next moments flew by in a blur. Suddenly, they were lined up in what Lucas informed him was the "Great Hall," and a lady named Professor McGonagall was talking to them. Lucas whispered that she taught Harry Potter, too, and she was the head of the Gryffindor house.

The next thing Peter knew, Lucas was going up to be sorted. Peter crossed his fingers for his new friend. The Sorting Hat was gently placed on his head. Lucas' eyes were squeezed shut, and Peter could barely make out him mouthing "Gryffindor". And indeed, the hat roared "GRYFFINDOR!" A huge grin split Lucas' face as the Gryffindor table burst into applause. Peter applauded too, but less vigorously. He hoped he would be Gryffindor so he could be with the one person he knew. Lucas beamed and waved to Peter as he sat down.

The next person Peter knew who was getting sorted was Matt Lloyd, who also got sorted into Gryffindor. Peter politely applauded, but he was terrified, even though he wasn't getting sorted for quite a bit.

"McConnell, Jason!" Professor McGonagall announced. Jason strode up to the Sorting Hat, looking calm and collected. Peter tensed up as the hat was placed on his head. "SLYTHERIN!" it called out. Peter felt a wave of disappoinment run through him. He wanted to be in the same house as Jason. _You could still be sorted into Slytherin, _he reminded himself. But he didn't _want _to. Jason strode over to the Slytherin table, a proud, smug grin on his face.

His sister, Nadia, was also sorted into Slytherin. She grinned as she waltzed over to the table, giving Jason a high five. The other girl from the train, Ivy Robinson, was sorted into Slytherin too, and she sat next to Jason, smiled at him, and began to talk to him as Nadia rolled her eyes.

"Potter, James!" Everyone began whispering. Peter realized that this was the boy Lucas had been talking about. He had messy black hair and strode up in a way not unlike Jason, with a wide grin on his face. The hat barely touched his head before roaring "GRYFFINDOR!" Everyone burst into the loudest applause yet. With a cocky smile, he took his place at the Gryffindor table, everyone there cheering and patting him on the back.

"Simmonds, Peter!" Peter didn't feel like he was able to move, but suddenly he was sitting and the hat was being placed on his head. Peter gulped as it began to talk to him.

"Hmm...you have a lot of good qualities. You're smart, you could do well in Ravenclaw. You might even be a good Slytherin. But ultimately..." it paused. Peter held his breath. "It better be GRYFFINDOR!"

Peter was in shock. His legs felt like lead as he somehow managed to walk over to the raucous table. He flopped down in a seat next to Lucas, who grinned and threw his arms around Peter.

"I knew, I just _knew _you'd be Gryffindor! This is so great! We can hang out all the time and I'm just so happy!" Lucas babbled on as Matt smiled and said, "Congrats."

The rest of the sorting finished up and Professor McGonagall stood up. "I'd like to say a few words before we begin our feast. Remember that the Forbidden Forest is, in fact, forbidden. And as a reminder, hexing other students is not allowed, even if it is "all in good fun"," she seemed to stare directly at the Gryffindor table at that. "Now, let us eat!"

Multitudes of all different kinds of food suddenly appeared on the table. "Isn't this great?" Lucas laughed, piling food onto his dish. Ghosts began to appear all throughout the Great Hall. Everyone was laughing and smiling, and for the first time, Peter felt like he really belonged somewhere. Here, where people were actually being friendly towards him and actively engaging him in conversation. He already had two friends and they only just got here.

There was only one word that would describe this whole situation.

Magical.


	3. Never Never Finds You

A few weeks had gone by, and Peter was pretty sure he was getting the hang of this whole wizard thing. He was relieved to learn that coming from a muggle background (he knew what that word meant now) didn't necessarily mean he was automatically terrible at magic. There were some kids who came from wizarding families who were terrible, and some muggleborns who were amazing. The fact that Lucas was eager to explain anything Peter didn't understand didn't hurt either.

Peter honestly felt like he belonged at Hogwarts. He had friends who honestly cared about him. He was sharing a room with James Potter, which Lucas liked to remind Peter of every time James wasn't there, then quickly hiss "Shut up, he's coming!" and he would smile and say "Hi James!" and Peter would roll his eyes and go back to whatever he was doing while Lucas smacked him on the arm. James was actually pretty cool, and seemed to enjoy Lucas's attention, along with many others who gave him attention too, so who was Peter to judge?

The only part Peter didn't like was how infrequently he got to see Jason McConnell. Sometimes they'd get partnered up in classes when it was Gryffindor and Slytherin, but the other times it was just Jason giving a quick nod to Peter when they passed in the hallways. Jason seemed to have amassed a small following himself, of Slytherin boys who thought he was cool and first year girls who thought he was cute, including the head of his group of fangirls, Ivy Robinson, while Nadia hung in the back alone, rolling her eyes. He hung around with his friends, Peter hung around with his own, but he wished he could spend more time with Jason.

Peter really liked his friends, though. He had Lucas and Matt, and a sweet (if naive and rather ditzy) Hufflepuff named Diane Lee, plus a few other Gryffindors that he wasn't super close with, but they still counted as friends. Lucas showed him how to use owls to send letters, so he frequently wrote home to his mom about school and his friends and everything, and she would send back cookies and various other treats, which were Lucas and Matt's favorite part. Sometimes James would try to take some, and Lucas would eagerly give him as much as he wanted, despite Peter's protests. But Peter was quickly learning that trying to argue with Lucas over anything with the name "Potter" was useless.

So they'd all be sitting in the library, Peter trying to study, Matt "helping" Ivy by basically doing her work for her, Lucas charming things at random and skillfully not getting caught by the librarian, Diane telling stories about her cat, and Peter would look up at the group of them, and smile, and even though just a few months ago he was terrified of all of this, he wouldn't have his life any other way.

**A/N: Yes, I know I suck. I promise to update more often. Feel free to yell at me if I don't.**


	4. Dig Down Deep and Save Your Soul

The rest of Peter's first year flew past. He struggled through challenging classes, tough professors, exams, and trying to balance his group of friends, which was what every young person did, but he had the added pressure of being a wizard. The newness and excitement of being a wizard kind of wore off after the mounds of work he had to do. But he still wouldn't trade it for the world.

Summer was too long and felt like it dragged on for ages. Peter wrote to his friends practically every single day, and it was a nice way to keep in touch, but he missed being able to see Lucas and Matt and everyone and actually be with them. Plus, his mom was beginning to get mad at how fast Lucas went through her treats. Sometimes he'd walk to the local (muggle) grocery store and buy his friends desserts from there, but they could tell the difference.

So he spent most of his summer inside the house, because any of the few friends he used to have ditched him once he went away, spending time with his little sister, vaguely wondering if she would be magic too if he was, but mostly he just wished desperately that September first would come sooner. And when it finally did come, Peter stood in the train station, laughing with all his friends, and thinking that this was the happiest thing that ever could have happened to him.

* * *

Peter definitely did _not _have a problem. And that problem (which there wasn't even a problem) did not manifest itself in Jason McConnell.

Great.

So maybe he did have a tiny problem. And that problem might have something to do with Jason, but mostly his smile and his hair and the way he said Peter's name and basically his entire being. Peter wasn't really sure what was going on with himself lately. All he knew is that he got a weird feeling in his stomach when he looked at Jason, and when he would be at Quidditch games and he would hear Ivy yelling Jason's name and Jason would turn on his broomstick to wave at Ivy and grin, Peter felt something that he would almost describe as jealousy. But he brushed those feelings aside because he knew it wasn't right.

One evening, when Peter, Lucas, and Matt were sitting in the Gryffindor common room and talking, the topic of one Ivy Robinson came up. Lucas couldn't stand her personality but thought she was pretty hot, Peter thought she would be nice once they got to know her more, and Matt was completely and utterly infatuated with her.

"Have you even seen her?" Matt protested. "She's beautiful, and amazing, and perfect, and-"

"Down, boy," Lucas joked. Matt rolled his eyes.

"If you saw her the way I did, you'd understand," Matt replied. "Right, Peter?"

But Peter wasn't paying much attention to the conversation. He was staring into the fireplace, deep in thought.

"Yo, Peter," Lucas nudged him, making Peter jump slightly. "You keep zoning."

"Oh! Um, sorry," Peter said hastily. "I was just, um. Thinking."

"About what?" Matt asked.

"Probably about how _pretty _Ivy is," Lucas said mock innocently, batting his eyelashes.

"Okay, no," Matt began, and the two of them started arguing again, leaving Peter back to his thoughts.

Truthfully, Ivy was what had began his whole thought process. The way Matt talked about Ivy eerily reminded him of his own feelings for Jason. Which was so weird, because Peter wasn't like _that_. He liked Jason, but not the same way Matt liked Ivy. He figured he just wanted to be Jason's friend. Really badly. Because Peter was just a normal 12 (practically 13) year old. Who also happened to be a wizard, which wasn't actually all that normal, but Peter was good at pretending.

And he maybe just happened to have a teeny-tiny crush on Jason McConnell.

"I'm going to bed," he announced while Lucas and Matt were still arguing, running to his room before anyone could ask him what was going on.

He quietly cried himself to sleep that night, hoping when he woke up, those feelings would be gone.


End file.
